Work in progress

Yes I am a work in progress, but that isnt exactly what Im talking about! I Love the DI. Sometimes I go and find nothing, and sometimes I go and have to cut down my purchases. I wanted to try something new... and Im not sure exactly how I feel about the turn out but here it is anyway!

Ugly Sweater

Ugly Runner

= Cute vintage top

(I tried to get a back picture of the sweater, with the cute pearl buttons going down the back but couldnt get a shot without drawing all the attention to my BUTT!)

Pair the top with a 4 dollar DI Skirt!

I also got this GREAT BCBG sweat suit for.........

6 dollars!!

This is one of my favorite things to do, is look at used clothing or just my things I don't wear anymore and create things that are cheap and I WILL wear like THIS.

New Year

Probably Brads and my LEAST favorite Holiday. We played the new PS3 move Brad got for Christmas.... its like a Wii for big kids ahhaha! Happy 2011!

Merry Little Christmas!

Owen loved his stocking! Candy took priority over gift opening!
Grandma Denmark sent Owen a bike!... the

highlight of his gifts!!

Brad and I had everything figured out... just a couple presents for each kid, and wah lah! Well my mother and Grandmother sent loads of gifts! It took hours to open everything! Needless to say, I have some very spoiled... but loved little kids!

Lil's 1st Dance recital!

I thought Lily would just run off the stage... but she stayed! AND DANCED! Poor girl has my dancing ability... but she did great!

Isn't she beautiful!


I LOVE YOU LILY BUG!

I feel my Saviors love!

This month has been a complete roller coaster for me. I have times where everything seems to be perfect, and times where when I'm alone and break down. I say alone, but I have never been NOT so alone in my life. I have felt my Saviors love through all my friends and family. Your prayers, letters, phone messages have helped me in an enormous way! I have begun to recognize Gods hand in my life in places he has always been there. I feel for those who don't have this comfort in their challenges. That don't know that Christ has felt every joy, pain, and loss that they are feeling, because he is REAL! I guess I write this because, through out my life, when things big or small happen to me, I become "closed." I was the kind of person that wanted to do everything alone, and quietly... with no help from anyone. You can't do it alone, and I have come to realize that. I NEED my Father in Heaven! Honestly I feel he needs me too, and I have a calling, which hopefully I will figure out sooner than later ;) Thank you for all your prayers, I honestly have felt my Saviors love, through you!

Do they look ready?

Lily is SO ready for Christmas. I told her the real reason we have Christmas is because we are celebrating Christ's birthday. She wants to buy a cake for Jesus! :)
I just love my baby boy. He is a bit crazy, but he makes me smile everyday. When I ask him to smile he gives me this big cheeser!

My grandma sent the kids these cute dolls, and Lily and Owen haven't put them down! They are so soft and cuddly, which is perfect for them. They are such huge snugglers!

Little Hands

Never in a million years would I think I would be writing like this, but for some reason, as my hands type I feel comfort.

This Tuesday when I was shown my ultrasound, I new immediately something was wrong. My sweet little baby

had no heart beat, he looked small, and was tightly curled up into a comfortable little ball. As the doctor told me that we had a problem

I instantly new that the baby was gone. Looking over at Lily she had tears in her eyes, sensing something

was really wrong.

There has always been a huge controversy about when a spirit enters a babies body. I have no doubt.

I have felt so much love for this baby, and last week had felt like something was wrong. I usually feel the baby move before 20 weeks, and hadn't.

Looking at that ultrasound, I had so much love for my little baby, but new that he/she was no longer with me.

My doctor then confirmed my worst fear... I had to deliver my baby.

They started the process at 7pm Tuesday night. I felt nothing for a while, and actually got a few hours of sleep. During those

hours everything seemed like a dream, but the IVs, and contractions quickly made it real for me. In my moments

of consciousness, I could hear babies cry, and I would think they were mine. Anger would set in, after a few seconds when I realized I would never hear that. I went from happy, to angry several times that night.

My sweet little boy, came at 2am yesterday morning, weighing 1.6 oz and 5 inches long. Molds were made of his tiny hands, and feet.

I held him. I couldn't believe how perfect his little hands were. I could see his knuckles, ribs, nose, and as I looked at his little face, he had a smile.

I know this little baby boy is mine, and he always will be. I can see my dad, who died when I was just a little girl holding him til I get there.

I don't have anger towards God. My doctor said I might, but I don't. That Tuesday before my appointment, I was telling Brad how blessed I feel our lives have been.

When I came home today, I was reminded of that by the two beautiful children I have now.

I think it will take me awhile to be able to understand. I see ladies who are 5-7 months pregnant, and I get so jealous. Which is not me at all, but I do.

Don't be afraid to talk to me, or afraid to say something wrong, because deep down I really don't know how to handle it myself. Brad has been such a blessing to me. I honestly think that he is the perfect person for me.

This trial has brought us together, more than anything else we have gone through, and I am so grateful for him.

As for now, we are enjoying the holidays. The doctors are trying to find out what could have happened, and I should find out soon. Trials are given for a reason, and God has a plan for me.

His little perfect hands.

Finally some time...

Yesterday it warmed up to about 50! Since I dont go outside with the temperature any lower then 50... I thought it would be a good Idea, and our last chance to get some family pictures done!

One of my friends Celeste took them here in Logan and I just love how they turned out. Lily was very cooperative, and Owen... well... he looked at the camera a couple times. I love my family. My kids are growing up so fast, and I do believe I have the hottest man for a husband!

I am having my 20 week ultrasound Tuesday, just in time for thanksgiving. I want to know if you think it is going to be a girl or boy so im putting up a poll. We have both names picked out this time... which NEVER happens. Hope all you families are doing well and have a GREAT Thanksgiving. I am so greatful to all my friends and family, you are the best!

LOVE

~Owen LOVES his mama, and he melts my heart~