Lil's 1st Dance recital!

I thought Lily would just run off the stage... but she stayed! AND DANCED! Poor girl has my dancing ability... but she did great!

Isn't she beautiful!


I LOVE YOU LILY BUG!

I feel my Saviors love!

This month has been a complete roller coaster for me. I have times where everything seems to be perfect, and times where when I'm alone and break down. I say alone, but I have never been NOT so alone in my life. I have felt my Saviors love through all my friends and family. Your prayers, letters, phone messages have helped me in an enormous way! I have begun to recognize Gods hand in my life in places he has always been there. I feel for those who don't have this comfort in their challenges. That don't know that Christ has felt every joy, pain, and loss that they are feeling, because he is REAL! I guess I write this because, through out my life, when things big or small happen to me, I become "closed." I was the kind of person that wanted to do everything alone, and quietly... with no help from anyone. You can't do it alone, and I have come to realize that. I NEED my Father in Heaven! Honestly I feel he needs me too, and I have a calling, which hopefully I will figure out sooner than later ;) Thank you for all your prayers, I honestly have felt my Saviors love, through you!

Do they look ready?

Lily is SO ready for Christmas. I told her the real reason we have Christmas is because we are celebrating Christ's birthday. She wants to buy a cake for Jesus! :)
I just love my baby boy. He is a bit crazy, but he makes me smile everyday. When I ask him to smile he gives me this big cheeser!

My grandma sent the kids these cute dolls, and Lily and Owen haven't put them down! They are so soft and cuddly, which is perfect for them. They are such huge snugglers!

Little Hands

Never in a million years would I think I would be writing like this, but for some reason, as my hands type I feel comfort.

This Tuesday when I was shown my ultrasound, I new immediately something was wrong. My sweet little baby

had no heart beat, he looked small, and was tightly curled up into a comfortable little ball. As the doctor told me that we had a problem

I instantly new that the baby was gone. Looking over at Lily she had tears in her eyes, sensing something

was really wrong.

There has always been a huge controversy about when a spirit enters a babies body. I have no doubt.

I have felt so much love for this baby, and last week had felt like something was wrong. I usually feel the baby move before 20 weeks, and hadn't.

Looking at that ultrasound, I had so much love for my little baby, but new that he/she was no longer with me.

My doctor then confirmed my worst fear... I had to deliver my baby.

They started the process at 7pm Tuesday night. I felt nothing for a while, and actually got a few hours of sleep. During those

hours everything seemed like a dream, but the IVs, and contractions quickly made it real for me. In my moments

of consciousness, I could hear babies cry, and I would think they were mine. Anger would set in, after a few seconds when I realized I would never hear that. I went from happy, to angry several times that night.

My sweet little boy, came at 2am yesterday morning, weighing 1.6 oz and 5 inches long. Molds were made of his tiny hands, and feet.

I held him. I couldn't believe how perfect his little hands were. I could see his knuckles, ribs, nose, and as I looked at his little face, he had a smile.

I know this little baby boy is mine, and he always will be. I can see my dad, who died when I was just a little girl holding him til I get there.

I don't have anger towards God. My doctor said I might, but I don't. That Tuesday before my appointment, I was telling Brad how blessed I feel our lives have been.

When I came home today, I was reminded of that by the two beautiful children I have now.

I think it will take me awhile to be able to understand. I see ladies who are 5-7 months pregnant, and I get so jealous. Which is not me at all, but I do.

Don't be afraid to talk to me, or afraid to say something wrong, because deep down I really don't know how to handle it myself. Brad has been such a blessing to me. I honestly think that he is the perfect person for me.

This trial has brought us together, more than anything else we have gone through, and I am so grateful for him.

As for now, we are enjoying the holidays. The doctors are trying to find out what could have happened, and I should find out soon. Trials are given for a reason, and God has a plan for me.

His little perfect hands.

Finally some time...

Yesterday it warmed up to about 50! Since I dont go outside with the temperature any lower then 50... I thought it would be a good Idea, and our last chance to get some family pictures done!

One of my friends Celeste took them here in Logan and I just love how they turned out. Lily was very cooperative, and Owen... well... he looked at the camera a couple times. I love my family. My kids are growing up so fast, and I do believe I have the hottest man for a husband!

I am having my 20 week ultrasound Tuesday, just in time for thanksgiving. I want to know if you think it is going to be a girl or boy so im putting up a poll. We have both names picked out this time... which NEVER happens. Hope all you families are doing well and have a GREAT Thanksgiving. I am so greatful to all my friends and family, you are the best!

LOVE

~Owen LOVES his mama, and he melts my heart~

Happy Halloween!

I kind of dropped the ball this year. The last 2 years I have been either able to make our costumes, or come up with some pretty cute ideas. Halloween snuck up on me this year, but the kids still had a lot of fun. It rained during trick or treating, but we still went to a few houses. We also went to our ward carnival which the kids loved. All and all, we are all SICK to our stomachs from candy.
2009
2008

HAHA I still laugh at this picture because Brad cant move his face (I used real paint ha Ha HA)

I'm a slacker!

I have been SOO busy lately, my blog has been the last thing on my mind! Even right now I should be doing laundry, but I just talked to my mom, and forgot I had promised her a belly picture and some of the kids.

Lily is at such a fun age right now. She wants to help me all the time with Owen and other things, like baking, cleaning, and running errands. Of course there is DRAMA, but I think that comes with every girl. She is loving her dance classes, and keeps talking about how she can't wait to get on stage and take her bow!


This is my goof ball. HE LOVES MUSIC, and the boy can break a move! He will give you a big cheesy smile if you ask him, but he can also throw the BIGGEST tantrums... they are quite funny! He is starting to talk a lot if you can get him to give up his binky. He can say about 20 words, and most of his animal sounds. him and Lily love to play but mostly he just wants to terrorize her... I guess thats what brothers are for.

AND here I am... 15 weeks. I find out the baby's sex the day before Thanksgiving. Lily seems to be positive I am having a girl, and keeps telling me I am taking too long to have the baby. I went to see the doctor this week and he said although I have only gained a pound the baby is quite large. SHOCKER! My babies are always huge! I am showing a lot more than I did with my other two so it makes my feel bigger than I am. I started working at the photography studio in logan, and just finished up my training. This week I start taking pictures all on my lonesome! I love getting out a couple days a week to learn something new... and I don't think Im too horrible either! ;)

Gwen's Birthday

I was so excited to make this Snow White dress for my neices princess party. My best friend Rose helped us out a little too ;) It was a perfect end to a perfect party, to see all the girls excited about Snow White showing up. My sister always has GREAT parties. She is so creative! Look at the cupcakes.... those took her like 5 minutes!! Lily is still talking about Gwen's party and how shegot to meet Snow White!

and here is my little prince!